You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize