I didn't shave. On purpose
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
