This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize