it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i now understand why vodka
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
