is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
