god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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