I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
