lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
