Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
