i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
