So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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