I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
