I just saw a hot homeless man
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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