Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
