I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize