I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
