I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
