He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
