I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
