that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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