Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
