Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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