i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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