I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
