Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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