I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
