Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
