I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
