So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
