Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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