i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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