I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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