Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
