so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
