I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize