Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
