two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
