You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
