Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
