When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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