guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
