There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
