Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
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Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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