Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
