so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
