Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
