he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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