Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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