I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I could make wine with my vomit
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
