Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
