I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
