we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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