My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She even gives head with a lisp.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
