dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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