ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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