if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
