That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
