I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
