im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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