actually, I'm a sock model
What did we do last night that was yellow?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
