Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
