Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
