Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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