i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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