I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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