why do cheetos always look like penises
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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