I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
