sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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