MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
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my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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