he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
