I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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