and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
