I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
